Tomama Says Poor Communication Is Why Parents Keep Pressuring Daughters to Marry

Popular comedian Tomama, better known as Datwarrigirl, says the reason many parents constantly pressure their daughters to get married is simple: they don’t know what’s really happening in their relationships.

In a video shared on her Instagram page this week, the comedienne argued that a lack of open conversation between parents and children creates a gap in understanding. As a result, parents fill that gap with the one expectation they know — marriage.

Tomama said many young women keep the painful parts of dating to themselves, and that silence makes parents assume their daughters are just delaying marriage for no reason.

“Ladies, the reason why your parents are stressing and disturbing you for marriage is because you don’t tell them what you go through in that relationship,” she said in the clip. “Una no dey tell them wetin una eyes dey see. Try dey talk, because me, I dey tell my mama everything.”

She explained that if parents understood the emotional toll of bad relationships, heartbreaks, and toxic partners, they would be less eager to push their daughters to “settle down” quickly.

According to Tomama, parents pressure their children out of concern, not control. But without context, that concern turns into repeated questions about wedding dates, suitors, and grandchildren.

The comedian shared a personal story to back up her point. She recalled calling her mother in tears after a painful breakup.

Instead of telling her to quickly find someone new, Tomama said her mother told her to take time to heal.

That response, she believes, came because her mother already knew the full story. Tomama said she makes it a habit to keep her mother updated anytime someone new comes into her life.

“Any person that comes into my life, I tell her,” she said. “Who go like make him pikin dey cry? Them go dey tell you, ‘No rush oo, abeg.’”

She added that this level of honesty has made her family more understanding. The pressure to marry has reduced because her parents now see the realities she faces, not just the timeline they imagined for her.

Tomama’s remarks quickly sparked conversation on social media. Many Nigerians agreed with her take, saying that parents often pressure their children because they only hear the good parts — or nothing at all — about their dating lives.

Commenters shared that in many Nigerian homes, discussing relationship problems with parents is still taboo. Women especially are taught to “manage” issues privately, which leaves parents with an incomplete picture.

Others offered a different view. Some said cultural and societal expectations also play a big role. In many families, marriage is still seen as a major milestone and a sign of stability, regardless of what a daughter shares. For those parents, the pressure isn’t just about knowing the details of a relationship, but about tradition, age, and family reputation.

A number of people also pointed out that while communication helps, it doesn’t erase other factors like financial independence, career goals, and personal readiness — all things that also delay marriage for many young women today.

Tomama’s comments come at a time when conversations about marriage, mental health, and family expectations are becoming more open in Nigeria. Celebrities and influencers are increasingly talking about therapy, breakups, and choosing oneself — topics that were rarely discussed publicly a decade ago.

As a comedian known for speaking plainly, Tomama’s message landed because it was direct and relatable. She wasn’t giving relationship advice so much as encouraging transparency at home.

Her core argument is that parents can’t support what they don’t understand. If daughters share the struggles — the red flags, the emotional stress, the reasons a relationship ended — parents may respond with empathy instead of pressure.

The discussion also highlights a broader shift in how young Nigerians relate to their parents. More people in their 20s and 30s are choosing to involve their parents in personal decisions earlier, rather than waiting until there’s an engagement or crisis

For Tomama, that approach has worked. By keeping her mother in the loop, she says she’s gained an ally instead of an interrogator.

Whether that works for everyone is still up for debate. But her video has at least gotten people talking — about marriage, about communication, and about what it means to “choose yourself” while still honoring family.

In the end, Tomama’s message was less about rejecting marriage and more about rejecting silence